Relationships that Transform and Prepare Us for the Season

Since last Sunday, we have entered a particularly meaningful period in the Jewish calendar. According to Rabbi Alan Lew, during the ten weeks from Tishah b’Av to the end of Sukkot, we move from deep mourning over the destruction of the central home of Jewish tradition (the Temples in Jerusalem) to the joy of dismantling other homes, the temporary booths we construct for Sukkot. Over the course of this period (which represents a fifth of the year!), we journey from destruction to rebirth to joy. We deconstruct ourselves, ask difficult questions, evaluate who we are, and begin to rebuild on foundations we hope will be more solid, enabling us to come closer to who we truly aspire to be.

T’shuvah – the process of self-reflection, repentance, and redirection – is central to the experience of these ten weeks. Rabbi Sharon Brous speaks of a Jewish dialectic that, on the one hand, emphasises justice and the rigour of honestly confronting our failings and, on the other, holds an infinite optimism in our ability to return to the best version of ourselves. On this Shabbat – known in our tradition as Shabbat Nachamu – we begin to rediscover the possibility of allowing the past to inform our conduct without defining it; of recognising our errors without letting them dictate our future; of seeking redemption despite, or because of, the path that brought us here.

This week’s haftarah (the prophetic reading) speaks to the potential for this reconstruction and opens with these words:

“Comfort, comfort My people (Nachamu nachamu ami), says your God.
Speak tenderly to Jerusalem and declare to her that her term of service is over, that her iniquity has been expiated.” (Isaiah 40:1–2)

At the other end of the t’shuvah process is our ability to accept apologies and to truly forgive. How often do we go through life holding on to grudges, unable to free ourselves, bound to the pain of what has been? T’shuvah and forgiveness are complex and difficult, especially when we feel lonely or vulnerable. Those who feel abandoned may find it harder to recognise their own faults or to forgive others, as if clinging to one’s own righteousness might somehow compensate for the pain of feeling isolated.

This Shabbat, which is not only Shabbat Nachamu but also Tu b’Av – the Jewish day that celebrates love – offers an opportunity to draw strength from love as we prepare for the introspective and evaluative processes the coming months will invite. These are also moments to reflect on how we love and how we are loved. Do we truly give ourselves, with all our energy, in the loving relationships we cultivate, whether with parents, siblings, friends, romantic partners, or even with ourselves? What does it mean to love in this way? Is it something we wish to strive for? And if not, what other expressions of love might we want to embrace?

This week’s parashah offers two paradigmatic examples of love. First, it recalls the giving of the Decalogue, the Ten Utterances that God spoke at Mount Sinai. Many rabbinic commentaries understand this moment as a mystical marriage between God and the Jewish people, offering insight into how love can manifest. The first Tablets, symbols of this sacred union (akin to rings), were quickly shattered following the episode of the Golden Calf. According to Rabbi Art Green, this outcome was inevitable: the Tablets, carved and inscribed by God alone, contained no human element. It was a union in which there was space for only one voice, a relationship in which the individuality of the people of Israel was not yet acknowledged.

According to one tradition, Yom Kippur marks the day when Moses descended from Mount Sinai a second time, carrying a new set of Tablets, this time carved by Moses and inscribed by God. These Tablets, the result of a partnership between the human and the Divine, endured as a symbol of a covenant in which both sides were seen, heard, and validated. And you – do your loving relationships honour who you truly are?

The second paradigmatic example of love in this week’s parashah is the Sh’ma Yisrael, perhaps the best-known verse in the entire Torah. Its first paragraph teaches: “You shall love ADONAI your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might.” (Deut. 6:5) Commenting on this verse, Rabbi Jeffrey Salkin writes: “Love doesn’t mean affection. It means a deep, powerful connection that binds Jews to God through the mitzvot.” Does the love you feel for others also move beyond emotion and take the form of concrete, real action in the world? Do you feel that others care for you not only in what they say, but in how they behave?

Mutuality in relationships enables us to feel safe enough to acknowledge our vulnerabilities and to engage in authentic processes of t’shuvah and forgiveness. May we, on this Shabbat, find strength in loving and being loved, with respect and recognition, with listening and validation, so that we might open ourselves to the possibility of being transformed within and through the relationships we build.

Shabbat Shalom